SET 6 – For WT Activity #6 DUE Week 11 Friday
TOOL 24: Work from a plan.
TOOL 28: Put odd and interesting things next to each other.
TOOL 29: Foreshadow dramatic events and powerful conclusions.
TOOL 30: To generate suspense, use internal cliffhangers.
For week 11’s Writing Tools Activity #6 I chose to edit a film review that I had written for my America Through Baseball class. I chose to edit this weeks activity using tool set number 29: Foreshadow dramatic events and powerful conclusions.
Unedited:
This film was filled with emotion, as Bruce’s final wishes are so selfless as Henry is so worrisome for his friend and his last moments alive. Henry shows how much he cares but there is still something about him that makes it seem like he doesn’t actually want people to know he cares. There is an image that Bruce is portraying where he doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone with his illness or he will get taken from the game he loves. Henry understands this fear of Bruce’s very well, as he tries to keep his illness a secret from the other players. The other players on the team are not aware of the illness and are not making things any better by insulting his hair or the way he chews tobacco among other things. It is almost seems insulting that Henry’s ego is what is keeping him from sticking up for his friend in front of the rest of the team. At least that is what it looks like to others who are not aware of Bruce’s illness.
Edited:
This film was [enhanced] with emotion, [] Bruce’s final wishes [were] so selfless as Henry is so worrisome for his friend and his last moments alive. Henry shows how much he cares but there is still something about him that makes it seem like he doesn’t actually want people to know he cares. There is an image that Bruce is portraying where he doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone with his illness or he will get taken from the game he loves. Henry understands this fear of Bruce’s very well, as he tries to keep his illness a secret from the other players. The other players on the team are not aware of [his] illness, [and they] are not making things any better by insulting his hair or the way he chews tobacco among other things. It is almost seems insulting that Henry’s ego is what is keeping him from sticking up for his friend in front of the rest of the team. At least that is what it looks like to others who are not aware of Bruce’s illness.
allyxinwanderland 