Writing Tools Activity 7: Week 12 Friday

NOT FINISHED

SET 7 – For WT Activity #7 DUE Week 12 Friday
TOOL 31: Build your work around a key question.
TOOL 32: Place gold coins along the path.
TOOL 33: Repeat, repeat, and repeat.
TOOL 34: Write from different cinematic angles.

 

For this writing tools activity I chose to use tool 31: Build your work around a key question.

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Unedited:

 

This week we had run into some challenges with our teaching, myself especially. We experienced a little bit of a language barrier with some of the children who mainly spoke Spanish. It was difficult at this point because we were filling out information sheets with the children and they had to help us write the answers to the questions. One of the little girls whose first language was Spanish was having trouble communicating with us. I have never taken a Spanish class in my entire life; in Canada we have to take French growing up. Thank goodness one of the facilitators could speak a good amount of Spanish to be able to communicate fluidly with her. It was so shocking that we didn’t realize this until the 3^rd week and it is sad but also a good lesson to be learned. This little girl to us just seemed shy, it didn’t occur to us that she didn’t understand or speak English very well. It was me that figured it out and brought it to the attention of the other facilitators. She could communicate through her dancing and playing but when she had to answer questions it was more difficult for her and even for us to help her. Now it is very important to help her have a better understanding and to communicate in a way she understands so she can be included in the activity 100%.

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Edited:

This week we had run into some challenges with our teaching, myself especially. We experienced a little bit of a language barrier with some of the children who mainly spoke Spanish. It was difficult at this point because we were filling out information sheets with the children and they had to help us write the answers to the questions. One of the little girls whose first language was Spanish was having trouble communicating with us. I have never taken a Spanish class in my entire life; in Canada we have to take French growing up. Thank goodness one of the facilitators could speak a good amount of Spanish to be able to communicate fluidly with her. It was so shocking that we didn’t realize this until the 3^rd week and it is sad but also a good lesson to be learned. This little girl to us just seemed shy, it didn’t occur to us that she didn’t understand or speak English very well. It was me that figured it out and brought it to the attention of the other facilitators. She could communicate through her dancing and playing but when she had to answer questions it was more difficult for her and even for us to help her. Now it is very important to help her have a better understanding and to communicate in a way she understands so she can be included in the activity 100%.

 

Writing Tools Activity #4: Week 9 Friday

SET 4 – For WT Activity #4 DUE Week 9 Friday

TOOL 14: Get the name of the dog.

TOOL 15: Pay attention to names.

TOOL 18: Set the pace with sentence length.

TOOL 19: Vary the lengths of paragraphs.

For Writing Tools activity # 4 I chose to use Tool 18. Sentence length is a very important tool to experiment with because it controls the way the reader accepts the material. Revisions will be marked by using [brackets].

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Unedited:

            My group faced some very tough challenges this first part of the semester. It was difficult for us to meet at the same time for practice, we lost a group member due to illness, and there were many absences within the group. We pulled it together for the performance but now we need to put that effort toward class everyday and practicing more. I think that once my group had realized how much every other family had practiced our mindsets had changed in a positive way. We now know and understand how important it is to represent our family in a confident way because this brings joy and meaning to the dance form. The energy in the class is formed when everyone is putting 100% into the hour and a half we have twice a week. Learning to put yourself out there so the others in the room can have an enjoyable experience as well, by not bringing them down with you.

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Edited:

            My group faced some very tough challenges this first part of the semester. It was difficult for us to meet at the same time [to] practice, we lost a group member due to illness, and there were many absences within the group. We pulled it together for the performance but now we need to put that effort toward class everyday and practicing more. [Once] my group [   ] realized how much every other family had practiced our mindsets had changed in a positive way. We now know and understand how important it is to represent our family in a confident way because this brings joy and meaning to the dance form. The energy in the class is formed when everyone is putting 100% into the hour and a half we have twice a week. [Putting] yourself out there [is important so that everyone has an] enjoyable experience.] [ Bringing down the class with your attitude is not acceptable.]

Writing Tools Activity 3: Week 8 Friday

SET 3  – For WT Activity #3 DUE Week 8 Friday
TOOL 9: Let punctuation control pace and space.

TOOL 10: Cut big, then small.
TOOL 11: Prefer the simple over the technical.
TOOL 12: Give key words their space.

For this writing tools activity I chose to use Tool #9. Punctuation is always a very important part of any writing piece. It helps control the speed of the reader while also allowing them to breathe. I chose to edit an excerpt that I wrote for my history class on a movie review called Bang the Drum Slowly. The edited parts will be shown in [Brackets].

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Unedited:

This film was enhanced with emotion as Bruce’s final wishes are so selfless as Henry is so worrisome for his friend and his last moments alive. Henry shows how much he cares but there is still something about him that makes it seem like he doesn’t actually want people to know he cares. There is an image that Bruce is portraying where he doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone with his illness or he will get taken from the game he loves. Henry understands this fear of Bruce’s very well as he tries to keep his illness a secret from the other players. The other players on the team are not aware of the illness and are not making things any better by insulting his hair or the way he chews tobacco among other things. It is almost seems insulting that Henry’s ego is what is keeping him from sticking up for his friend in front of the rest of the team. At least that is what it looks like to others who are not aware of Bruce’s illness.

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Edited: 

This film was enhanced with emotion[,] as Bruce’s final wishes were so selfless[;] Henry is very [worried for his friend and how he spends his last moments alive.] Henry shows how much he cares but there is still something about him that makes it seem like he doesn’t actually want people to know he cares. There is an image that Bruce is portraying where he doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone with his illness or he will get taken from the game he loves. Henry understands this fear of Bruce’s very well[,] as he tries to keep his illness a secret from the other players. The other players on the team are not aware of the illness and are not making things any better by insulting his hair or the way he chews tobacco among other things. It [almost] seems insulting that Henry’s ego is what is keeping him from sticking up for his friend in front of the rest of the team. At least that is what it looks like to others who are not aware of Bruce’s illness.

Nuts and Bolts: Week 6 Friday Writing tools Activity.

SET 1 – For WT Activity #1 DUE Week 6 Friday
INTRODUCTION: A Nation of Writers
PART ONE: Nuts and Bolts
TOOL 1: Begin sentences with subjects and verbs.
TOOL 2: Order words for emphasis.
TOOL 3: Activate your verbs.
TOOL 4: Be passive-aggressive.

For this assignment I chose to edit a piece of writing that I took from one of my dance reflection papers for my dance history class “Looking at Dance”.  I chose to pay attention to Tool number 3 and activate my verbs. The edits can be seen through brackets around the words or sentence. I chose this because I tend to use a lot of the same verbs all the time. I need to mix it up a bit and experiment with my words! Activating the ones I am using by describing them more or even choosing different ones is how I am going to work on this.

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Un-edited:

Grotesque bodied dancing has come to be accepted and embraced in today’s society. It adds more of a personal touch and the dancers can show who they really are rather then in a cookie cutter movement piece. I think that this piece really used the grotesque style of dancing for the personal effects to work on the audience. Each dancer is given the opportunity to share their own personal stories about a time in their lives where they have been seen, heard, and supported. They strongly expressed their feelings in words and through some improvisational and choreographed movement. Some of the stories were heart breaking and the dancers were very passionate about telling them. I don’t even know what language Rosely was speaking in while telling a part of her story but I understood what she was explaining because I could really feel her passion that she had about the situation she was describing through her movement and facial expressions. Different qualities or even simple normal qualities that are danced in an unusual way can create a unique feel that is pleasing to observe, since it is not what is expected or overdone.

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Edited:

Grotesque bodied dancing has [become accepted] and embraced in today’s society. It [brings] a personal touch and the dancers can show who they really are[,] rather then in a cookie cutter movement piece. I [can see] that this piece really [embraced] the grotesque style of dancing so that the personal effects [would] [affect] the audience. Each dancer is given the opportunity to share their own personal stories about a time in their lives where they have been seen, heard, and supported [though dancing]. [Strongly expressing] their feelings in words and through some improvisational and choreographed movement, some of the stories were heart breaking [while], the dancers were very passionate about telling them. I don’t even know what language Rosely was speaking in while telling a part of her story but I understood what she was explaining because I could really feel her passion that she [was sharing] about the situation she was describing through her movement and facial expressions. Different qualities [and] or even simple normal qualities that are danced in an unusual [unique] way can create a [distinctive] [feeling] that is pleasing to observe, since it is not what is expected or overdone.

 

Everything needs a little revision; week 7 Friday. Writing Tools Activity 2

I wrote the below passage for my America through baseball class for a movie review on the movie Bull Durham. Immediately below is the un edited copy.
I decided to use Set 2 of the writing tools from Roy Clark’s book, Writing Tools: 50 Essential Strategies for Every Writer.

SET 2
TOOL 5: Watch those adverbs.
TOOL 6: Take it easy on the -ings.
TOOL 7: Fear not the long sentence.
TOOL 8: Establish a pattern, then give it a twist.

I chose this tool set to apply to my writing because I tend to use many “ings” words almost overly too much and I also sometimes get worried about my sentence length. I found this tool very helpful and valuable because it really made me think about word choice and what kind of adverbs to use and when they are appropriate. I have drawn notice to my revisions by using brackets around the words or phrases that I wanted to change or have changed.

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Bull Durham Movie Review
American Through History
Allyx Smith

[Insert better opening line] I noticed 3 main themes while watching Bull Durham; Women in baseball existed, Crash’s passion for the game and to straighten out Nuke, Spirituality in baseball. Each theme plays a main role within the movie and helps gather information to create a larger case then just a baseball movie.

It is very apparent how much women were involved in [everything] that had to do with baseball during this time. When the readings discussed about women in baseball this movie is exactly how I [pictured it in my head.] It really depicts what life would actually be like around the 1980’s. In the movie the women are [making] announcements at the game, running the speed radar gun, keeping score, and being involved many other ways. Even with Annie’s “helpful” tactics she uses on the one player she picks per season influences the players and the game. She is [trying] her best to influence Nuke’s game but is being distracted by Crash [who is also being distracted by her.] Annie thinks that her “coaching” is an asset to the team and Nuke; she however does not see the distractions she is [actually] causing. During this era and [allowing women to be involved] so greatly in baseball gave them hope for greater things in life such as voting and equality. Women were known as distractions to men during this time and were only allowed in the baseball field under specific guidelines.

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Edited using the tool set # 2.

Bull Durham Movie Review

American Through History

Allyx Smith

 

[Of course this movie is about baseball but there is more to it then just 9 innings.] I noticed the 3 main themes while watching Bull Durham; Women in baseball existed, Crash’s passion for the game and to straighten out Nuke, Spirituality in baseball. Each theme plays a main role within the movie and helps gather information to create a larger case then just a baseball movie.

It is very apparent how much women were involved in [all] that had to do with baseball during this time. When the readings discussed about women in baseball this movie is exactly how I [imagined] it. It really depicts what life would have been like around the 1980’s. In the movie the women are making announcements at the game, running the speed radar gun, keeping score, and being involved many other ways. Even with Annie’s “helpful” tactics she uses on the one player she picks per season influences the players and the game. She is trying her best to influence Nuke’s game but is being distracted by Crash, who in return is also being distracted by her. Annie thinks that her “coaching” is an asset to the team and Nuke; she however does not see the distraction she is causing for the team. During this era and permitting women to be involved so greatly in baseball gave them hope for greater things in life such as voting and equality. Women were known as distractions to men during this time and were only allowed in the baseball field under specific guidelines.